From Dependence to Autonomy,
Two Main stages: Childhood and Adolescence
From birth and then throughout its life, the human being has to do with dependency on the other. I propose here to define the normal process of dependence and autonomy by drawing on the work of M. Mahler (1980) in The Psychological Birth of the Human Being, and C. Mille, C. Cassagne, F. Moroy and F. Roquilly (1994) in « psychodynamic approaches to the work of separation from childhood to adolescence ».
Indeed, the « normal » maturing process of each human being goes from total dependence (to the mother) to relative dependence.
To better understand this process, I will define the different stages by which each human being must go through. It should of course be noted that this process may have stumbling blocks, which we will not deal with here. The object here is rather to present the « normal » process.
This process contributes to the fact that each child dependent on his or her mother separates gradually while relating to her and to the environment. To shed light on this notion, I chose to rely on Mahler’s research.
The first major step concerns childhood. Mahler distinguishes four major phases between the 4th and the 36th month, summarized by Mille and al in « psychodynamic approaches to the work of separation from childhood to adolescence ».
The first is called the « symbiotic phase » reflects the child’s happy state of indifferenciation and maternal care.
It should be added that a satisfactory symbiosis ensures the child with a solid basis from which he or she can venture confidently towards the « other than his mother » and especially the father. He or she can thus « differentiate the representations of his self from the representations of the self connected to the object ». This step allows the child access to sufficient internal security that Ainsworth calls « security basis ».
The second phase named « the attempt », is characterized by the « very first skills of the infant to physically move away from his mother ». At this stage, the acquisition of walking is a major step forward in self-assertion and a first step towards empowerment.
The third phase is called the « phase of reconciliation », in which « the child recognizing his dependence feels more vulnerable and urges more attention from his mother ».
During this phase, « the mother’s responses depend on the attenuation of the tyrannical behavior of anxious attachment or of systematic opposition, which would testify to the child ‘s assurance of being respected in his individuality, of being sufficiently loved to face the consciousness of separation’ ».
In other words, during this period, the child recognizes his dependence to his mother and his insecurity ; he then comes to her so she can reassure him without « merging » again.
For Mahler, the fourth phase marks « the permanence of the emotional object » in which the acquisition of sufficiently good emotional support allows the child to be outside the presence of his mother without being in a state of deep anguish.
It can be noted that at this time the child is sufficiently secure and can venture outside the mother’s gaze.
The second major step in the process of « individuation » is the period of adolescence. This period will be the context of the difficulties encountered during the previous stages of the individuation process.
Adolescence provides the opportunity for the person to negotiate again the separation process that took place during childhood.
This stage of bodily, affective, relational and social rearrangements brings various specialists and parents to talk about the crisis of adolescence. We are talking about the resurgence of the difficulties encountered during the phases of separation-individuation described by Ms. Mahler.
Ordinarily, after this phase of conflict with the parental objects, the distancing process will play its part.
The parents will mourn their “little” child and the young one will mourn the dependence to his parents with the confirmation of a sufficient psychological autonomy. He will be able to separate without losing touch with himself, without feeling too agonized or insecure.
There is thus a recognition of each one’s dependencies and identification of each one’s spaces. From this moment on, the young person can turn to others and enter into a relationship.
During the adolescent period, every young person experiences this phase of distancing himself or herself from the parental objects by a succession of identification and opposition. He or she regulates, in stages, interacting with his or her parents the issues that affect the separation, both emotional and material. He or she creates another strong emotional relationship network outside his or her family and the relationship of dependence with the family becomes relative. He or she progressively invests new objects which help to go through this in-between, and the transition from dependence on parents to independence and autonomy.
In order for this passage to take place during adolescence, the safety basis represented by the mother and father must have existed during childhood in the first phase of separation described by Mahler. During adolescence, one of the key roles of parents is to provide a support function.
If the person goes through these different stages without too much difficulty, these processes lead to autonomy.
Through the process of separation-individuation, the individual acquires the ability to structure himself psychically in relation to others without experiencing major and long-lasting psychological suffering, as well as feeling responsible for his actions. From a state of total dependence in early childhood, this progressive structuring he goes through will enable him to become autonomous.
MAHLER, M. (1980). La naissance psychologique de l’être humain. Payot : Paris.
MILLE, C., CASSAGNE, C., MOROY, F., & ROQUILY, F. (1994). Approches psychodynamique et psychopathologique du travail de séparation de l’enfance à l’adolescence. Neuropsychiatrie de l’enfance et de l’adolescence, 42, 348-368.
