Script :
Hi everyone ! I am an occupational psychologist and I am here to give you some keys to understanding about the notion of non-violent communication.
To begin with, the most important thing to keep in mind is that people have different points of view and that everyone is right from their point of view.
The main principle of non-violent communication is to get people to use “I” instead of “you” as is too often the case in conflictual situations.
The purpose is to be able to express one’s point of view while respecting the other’s point of view. For example, you can use sentences like “I think that…”, “Personally I see it that way…”, etc.
In fact, this is to absolutely avoid confrontation between two parties.
So I’m going to present the elements of non-violent communication which are : facts/observation, feelings, needs and demands.
There are two steps to using these different components : the first one is to express one’s sincerity (it corresponds to the self-centered stage), and the second one is to listen to the other with empathy (this time it’s the stage centered on the other).
So, to come back to the different components of non-violent communication, there is first observation or the facts.
Observation : it consists in formulating something that is really observed and that is not an evaluation or interpretation. Indeed, by evaluating or interpreting there is more chance that your interlocutor will take it as criticism and will become defensive.
Feelings : you have to be in touch with your own feelings rather than focusing on other’s reactions and behaviors. For example, feelings can be sadness, satisfaction, disappointment or to be upset.
Needs : expressing one’s needs allows the other to better understand us and even sometimes to satisfy these needs.
Demands : in order to express a demand, you must first know how you can satisfy your own needs and then see what the others can do for you. The demand must be in the form of a concrete, observable and achievable action or behaviour. It must be formulated in a positive manner and specified in time and space. Finally, it must be negotiable.
So, to use the non-violent communication it is therefore necessary to identify observable facts, to identify and express one’s own feelings and needs and to formulate a concrete, feasible and negotiable demand. But it is also necessary to be able to identify all these elements in the other’s speech and to verbalize his feelings, his needs as well as reformulate his request with him to be sure to have understood it well
Of course, non-violent communication cannot be acquired in a few minutes; you have to train to be able to mobilize this type of communication.
It is an effort to make but it is really worth it as it allows to avoid any conflict or even resolve one.
So I hope that this brief presentation of what the non-violent communication is has been useful to you and that now you will try to implement it.
See you soon !
Bibliography :
- Lecloux, V., Chalant, I. & Vandenborne, É. (2010). Exercice structuré de dynamique des groupes: Expérimentons la communication non violente. Les Cahiers Internationaux de Psychologie Sociale, 88, 755-765. https://doi.org/10.3917/cips.088.0755
- Lelarge, É., Servillat, T. & Prévot-Stimec, I. (2020). Chapitre 9. Gestion des conflits et communication non violente. Dans : Antoine Bioy éd., Construire la communication thérapeutique avec l’hypnose (pp. 143-159). Paris: Dunod. https://doi.org/10.3917/dunod.bioy.2020.04.0143″
- Rosenberg, M. (2003). La communication non violente au quotidien. Editions Jouvence.