« Existing is not everything. How to live in good intelligence with oneself ? »
Gestalt therapy with a focus on “here and now”, in other words, on the present moment. Since everything happens in the present moment, neither the past nor the future exists[1]. « Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. »
Leave the ‘false self’
Some people have trouble to live the present moment because they are not present for themselves. They are too often turned to the past or too focused on the future. Being present is having a profound consciousness[2] of who we are, in an authentic relationship with yourself. Thus, it is important to be free of the importance of appearences and of the care about physical aspect of yourself. In ‘The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life’ by Erving Goffma[3]n, he says that we play different roles. With other people, we are used to giving another image of ourselves. Goffman says ‘the presentation of self’ is the importance to give a good impression of ourselves to the people, so that they have a good opinion or impression of us. But, if we focus on the image that we want to give, we are not present for ourselves. The fear to have a misplaced behavior, to displease people or to something silly causes a stress.
Giving yourself the freedom to be who we are
To live fully the present moment takes back to the freedom to be and to appreciate the simple pleasures of the daily life. If we put an effort in these small moments, we intensify our attention to the present. We are used in public to the label and to play roles and sometimes we do not laugh when we want to. The identity of a person is often revealed during the moments where she is in harmony with who she is. Our identity is not fixed and definite. On the contrary, we adapt as we can to the expectations and requirements that we have everyday and we learn get to know our personality and we develop our self-intelligence. Following her instinct, we can be more happy and joyful. Being true to yourself is the best way to realize all the possibilities and gain assurance.
Loving yourself enough can help us live the moment ! Developing a strong self-esteem to chew on life is even better! Marie-Laure Cuzacq[4] considers that it is self-awareness that leads to self-acceptance. Many people go blind in life. If you ask them, “Who are you?” they will not answer or they will answer you by telling you the job they do, the number of children they have, the amount of wages they earn, etc.
To become aware of oneself and to appreciate oneself, she recommends to question oneself about our values, our qualities, our limits, our deep desires and our convictions[5]. In short, it is to develop an independent, free personal image of oneself that is not influenced by the eyes and judgments of others. Plus, this image belongs to us entirely. At ease with our choices, aware of our values, attentive to our qualities and our faults, we move in life to listen to who we are and what we want.
Key words : false self, present moment, consciousness, self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-esteem
5 words I have learned
Struggle : lutter
Focus on : se focaliser sur
Misplaced : inadapté
Requirement : exigence
Label : étiquetter
[1] Masquelier-Savatier, C. (2017). La Gestalt-thérapie. Paris cedex 14, France: Presses Universitaires de France.
[2] Rogers, C.R. (1986). Carl Rogers on the Development of the Person-Centered Approach
[3] Goffman, E.(1959) The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, University of Edinburgh. Social Sciences Research Centre. Price : Ten Shillings
[4] Cuzacq, M-L. Jézéquel, M. (2017) Savourer l’instant présent. Les carnets de psycho, Editions ESI
[5] Benedetto, P. (2008). Chapitre 4. Le soi. Dans : , P. Benedetto, Psychologie de la personnalité (pp. 51-60). Louvain-la-Neuve, Belgique: De Boeck Supérieur.