Angélique Veillaux, Joséphine Alliaud, Pauline Le Brun-Didou
Ted X, Ilios Kotsou, ACT, Therapy, mindfulness
Video summary : Ted X “Disobeying the tyranny of emotions”
“Disobeying the tyranny of emotions” is a TEDx Talks presented by Ilios Kotsou, PhD in
psychology specialised in the field of emotions. He is a researcher at the mindifulness chair for
well-being at work and economic peace at Grenoble Ecole de Management, lecturer at the
Université Libre de Bruxelles, co-initiator of the Mindfulness Initiative Belgium, member of Mind
& Life Europe. He co-founded the association Emergence and the association Prezens. He has also
written several books such as “Positive Psychology: Happiness in all its states”, “Transmitting”,
“In Praise of Lucidity”, “Small Mindfulness Exercise Book”, “Change yourself, change the world”.
In this TEDx Ilios Kotsou presents the struggle against our unpleasant emotions. He describes the
fact that humans tend to run away from and fight against their unpleasant emotions. Indeed, he
describes that fighting and fleeing are basic survival behaviours that allow us to react to a threat
or danger. These actions are triggered by our emotional alarm system. We tend to avoid our
unpleasant feelings and emotions consciously or unconsciously, e.g. we are afraid of being afraid,
we are angry at our jealousy, we may be ashamed of feeling certain feelings and we try to hide
them. This struggle against our unpleasant emotions which leads us to avoid situations where we
do not want to accept these emotions, these uncomfortable feelings and which can lead to
consequences, such as not committing to a project for fear of failing, fear of going to someone for
fear of being rejected, fear of doing something we want to do or fear of being judged. Refusing to
welcome, accept these emotions and feelings is like refusing to listen to our “inner compass”. They
are essential information in our lives and what we need. “Disobeying the tyranny of emotions”
reflects the fact that we are fighting against our own fears, our own conditioning. We need courage
to befriend our emotions, even the most difficult ones, and face our inner emotions. To accept our
inner emotions, which governs us, is to free ourselves from this internal struggle in which emotions
win all the time. Accepting these emotions is what makes us stronger. Those who accept fear have
more courage and the gift of fear is tenderness. Ilios Kotsou depicts this inner struggle with our
emotions and feelings in different metaphors, such as the neighbour’s party, where we don’t want
to invite Albert because he might spoil the party, but he comes anyway, even though we struggle,
it takes energy and doesn’t satisfy us. You have to learn to live with all the guests of your inner
party. He also uses the metaphor of the tornado in which it is at the centre of the tornado that it is
calmest, i.e. it is by accepting our emotions that we will be more appeased: “The gift of fear is
tenderness”.
We can make the link with the third wave of cognitive behavioural therapies, in particular ACT
(Acceptance & Commitment Therapy). The aim of this therapy is to develop psychological
flexibility by accepting negative thoughts and emotions in order to move towards what really
matters to us. It attempts to move the subject from fight and struggle behaviour to committed
behaviour towards one’s own values. The therapy is described by 8 concepts. First of all, the
observing self is an important tool in therapy, which describes the need to observe what is going
on inside us, i.e. to ask ourselves what our emotions and bodily feelings are, but without judging
them, with benevolence. Mindfulness allows us to work on our observing self and to take stock of
our internal situation at a given moment. The observing self is another way of apprehending
psychological suffering; it allows us to make the difference between our judgments and our
internal observations. Secondly, the therapy describes experiential avoidance, which is the
tendency to avoid or control experiences, and states that it is important to deactivate this control,
which is automatic and problematic because it is not solutionary. It is helpful to experiment with
letting go and experimenting. In addition, therapy is based on the values of the person, those that
give meaning, guide and define our lives. They are the guiding principles behind our daily actions.
Acceptance is the welcoming of one’s emotions and is conducive to action and to being in touch
with all dimensions of the lived experience and open to the whole of the experience while actively
and intentionally choosing to live in accordance with one’s values. The actions we take flow from
our values, i.e. they are committed to and guided by our values. The validation of the struggle is a
validation work on the fact that because of these thoughts, there was a struggle. Thus, the work of
cognitive defusion is the fact of not considering that the thought has the same values as the
perception and therefore for that it is necessary to take distance with its thoughts. Finally,
psychological flexibility is the objective of this therapy, it is the ability to be psychologically
present, in full awareness, in the here and now, to be focused on what we are experiencing and to
reduce the influence and impact of negative thoughts. ACT therapy aims at conscious, deliberate,
motivated and value-driven actions.